Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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