My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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