i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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