I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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