sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Please don't give away my fajitas
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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