I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
