If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
