Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
