I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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