I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
