I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
