I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
smell my finger.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
