White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
this is an emotional support booty call
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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