Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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