Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
