Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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