Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
