oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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