I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
