I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
