I will die if light touches me.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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