Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
