It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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