Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
