The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
