SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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