WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
