he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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