dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
