I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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