its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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