it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
