glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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