Heybabeimwearingurpanties
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
