she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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