I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
