I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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