you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
