in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I will pee on everything he values.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
