i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize