If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize