When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
