I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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