My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
