Someone shit on the floor
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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