i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
