made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Found your dick twin last night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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