i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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