He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
