Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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