He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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