This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
