You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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