how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
