I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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