Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
