OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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