I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
