I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
