I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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