I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
