i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
