The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
