If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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